When Perfectionism Turns to Poison

Photo by Steve Johnson via Unsplash

“If it doesn’t turn out perfect the first time, I might as well just not even try.”

Oof. Does this sound familiar to you? It’s been my mantra sometimes when it comes to writing. Or drawing. or cooking. Or sewing. Or… you get the idea.

This concept is rampant in the creative industry. As consumers of art, we tend to only ever see the finished product. We’re not witness to the crumpled up sketches in the trash, the seven drafts before the novel got published, the hours of footage on the cutting room floor, the lyrics that didn’t make the cut.

We don’t see the process. We see the polished, completed piece of art and go, “Why isn’t my work like that?”

I’m not sure where I first heard the phrase “toxic perfectionism,” but boy howdy did it ever hit home for me. There’s perfectionism (often based in anxiety; that’s another chat for another day), which can be troublesome, and then there’s toxic perfectionism which, true to its name, can poison you and your work.

Do you ever stare at a blank screen, waiting for the words to come, and just feel paralyzed by your own inadequacy? I’m going to be honest here: I haven’t written any fiction in a week. And it’s been painful, but something about this time of year stresses me the hell out and I can’t seem to make myself sit down and write. I keep escaping into video games in my free evenings, which – don’t get me wrong – is fun. And it can be healthy to just fuck off for a few hours and not be productive (a lesson I am constantly learning), but what happens to that floundering draft of a story or novel while we do this?

It lies fallow. And, for me, insecurities run rampant in that space that isn’t being filled by creative outlets. Blogging feels the same way; I haven’t been doing it daily lately because of some difficulties at work are leaving me drained, and now that I’m trying to get back into writing most weekdays, I’m feeling so worried that I’m not going to produce anything remotely worthwhile.

Medium/blogging is a kind of Publish or Perish environment and the pressure can be astounding. How do we get past it? How do we push through? How do we silence those doubtful voices in our heads?

Here’s my advice: Make it good, but more importantly, get it done. It doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to happen.

---

A query letter is the most crucial step toward getting a literary agent and a book deal. Sign up to receive my free Query Letters 101 e-book!

Deidre Delpino Dykes, an author of speculative fiction, may actually be three birds in a trench coat. She is the co-organizer of the Columbia Writers critique group in Maryland and a passionate player and GM of tabletop role playing games. She is working on a novel-length manuscript and enjoys writing short and flash fiction, some of which has appeared in Wizards in Space vol. 1, Ghosts on Drugs, and Flash Fiction Magazine. Deidre tweets as @DeidreDykes and previously worked as a slush reader for Clarkesworld Magazine.

 

Nurturing Creativity

Photo by Emiel Molenaar via Unsplash

How can we continue to grow the creative part of ourselves in an increasingly trying world? Whether you’re a full time writer or working on projects in your free time around a day job, you need to cultivate the garden of your creativity or watch your ability to write wither away.

Consume Other Media

Read. Read! Read!! I cannot overstate the importance of consuming others’ writing while you yourself are trying to write. The best writers are also voracious readers. Read a mix of fiction, non-fiction, and works on the craft of writing. Novels, short stories, thinkpieces, social media posts, books on writing, medium posts, and blogs. Even TV and movies can be a great jumping off point for new ideas. Let your brain be inspired and challenged regularly.

Listen to, read, or watch the news from time to time as well. This one is a mixed bag, I know. For me, the constant news cycle in America negatively affects my mental health pretty frequently, but the state of the world may create the seed for a story or blog post that you get the burning urge to write. Hard as it might be, it won’t do to bury your head in the sand and ignore the news. It’s happening whether you’re paying attention or not.

Maintain Momentum

If you say you have no time to write, that’s a great way for progress to die, so try to carve out a little time as often as you can manage it; even ten minutes here and there can make a big difference. If you can write every day, I recommend it. Make sure you’re setting reasonable goals. Ambition is good, but failing to reach your benchmarks on a regular basis can lead to a lot of negative self-talk and can ultimately harm your progress.

Push Yourself Creatively

Take the time to explore new and different ways to write. This might mean experimenting with genre or voice, setting up your writing space in a different location, or journaling for ideas. You should never be afraid to write something outside of your comfort zone! I experimented with personal narrative/memoir a few weeks ago and it was not only cathartic, but it opened up some creative gates in my brain to try things I never had before.

Consider working in a cafe, reorganizing your work desk, or sitting outside with your laptop to get a change of scene that might spark something new in you. Keep an idea diary, a notebook by your bedside, or make journal entries when something you read or watch inspires you. If you’re at all like me, it’s a matter of writing it down now or losing it forever.

The Garden of Your Creativity

Gardens require tending as does your creative brain. If you don’t give it time and attention, if you don’t feed and water it, if you let weeds overtake it, the garden won’t be as productive or pretty. Put in the time to get the most our of your creative spirit and it will reward you with a bounteous harvest.

---

If you want to find and agent or a publisher for that novel you’re writing, you need a query letter. Sign up to receive my free Query Letters 101 e-book!

Deidre Delpino Dykes, an author of speculative fiction, may actually be three birds in a trench coat. She is the co-organizer of the Columbia Writers critique group in Maryland and a passionate player and GM of tabletop role playing games. She is working on a novel-length manuscript and enjoys writing short and flash fiction, some of which has appeared in Wizards in Space vol. 1, Ghosts on Drugs, and Flash Fiction Magazine. Deidre tweets as @DeidreDykes and previously worked as a slush reader for Clarkesworld Magazine.

 

Put in the Work

Let me open this thing up by saying that I firmly believe that talent is a very real thing and that some people do have a good deal more of it than others.

But talent alone is not enough. Like in sports, like in music, like in art, writing takes dedicated, consistent practice in order to succeed. Being born with some kind of gift is a great jumping off point, yes, but even the most talented artist isn’t going to get too far without applying themselves regularly.

I say this as kid who tested with a high IQ, who was put in gifted classes in school, who was always praised for being smart. You want to know the secret about being smart? It is something you are and not something that you do. Can you study? Can you read? Can you learn? Yes. But that’s different from hitting some kind of genetic lottery from birth.

I honestly think we do people a disservice for praising them for what they are rather than what they do. For being pretty, or smart, or tall, or having a good speaking voice. These are overwhelmingly things we are born with, and praising people for these gifts can create in them a need for external validation based on a lucky break – not on work.

As a smart kid, I coasted by in school, rarely applying myself. Through high school and most of college, I put in minimal effort and still got excellent grades. There were a few subjects where I had to really put in the work, and I floundered in those because I had never really learned how to learn. But I was smart! Everyone had always told me so! And so I grew quickly frustrated with music and math and assumed that they were nigh impossible topics for me.

Anyway all this to say, praise people for their work, not their talents.

And you there, artist: put in the time and effort. It’s hard and it’s not necessarily fun and it takes practice and you’re not going to nail it every time. Do it anyway. Do it for you because you deserve your best efforts.

Paint and Pen

My first publication credit was the short story Bloom and Fade, printed in Trapped Tales (and later reprinted in Wizards in Space Literary Magazine vol. 1). I am, to this day, proud of that piece. It is about four years old at this point, so I can see its flaws with a sense of clarity that only comes with time and skills improved through years of practice. All the same, I think 2013/2014 Deidre took chances: moving it from third person past tense to first person present tense, and creating a strong character voice for the lead. It went through about four massive rewrites, which eliminated an entire central character and created a different scenario for Shayna to fight her way out of.

Perhaps the most exciting part about Bloom and Fade, though, is the art. The Trapped Tales book launch that was also a pop-up art show, with all of the pieces in the show having been inspired by stories from the anthology. I was lucky enough to have three artists create six pieces based on my story – and I’m luckier still that I own two of them.

I have both of these pieces displayed in my home because they remind me what I’ve done and what I plan to do with my life going forward. They’re a pat on the back, an inspiration, a call to do better. They’re a promise to myself that I will not give up on my dreams. They’re a call to action.

Putting In the Work

I don’t spend a ton of time on twitter (I used to, but lately, writing for games and short stories and novel-length manuscripts has take over my free time), but when I do, I often find nuggets of great wisdom. Take, for example, this tweet by Sam Sykes:

My god, this is good advice! When we consume art, it is generally in the form of a finished product. A song, a painting, a book, a film. Though our culture of online sharing seems to have created more chances to see works in progress, most of us are familiar with the final version of a creative endeavor.

What we don’t see are the sleepless nights, the pages of scratched out words and hand-written notes in the margins, the tears alone in the shower, the countless versions that were trashed or upcycled, the canvases that were scraped bare after too many mistakes, the deleted vocal tracks, the unanswered text messages from friends, the missed meals, the frustration, the problems, the work. We so rarely get to see what got an artist to where they are now.

We like to glorify these success stories, to paint the artist as a genius; and maybe they are. But genius only gets you so far. It’s work and practice and effort and trial by fire and sweat that gets you your much-deserved moment of “I made it.” And it takes work to stay in that zone.

So let’s stop pretending that a novel just happens, that it comes out perfect with no real effort. It takes hard work. But it’s the work that makes the payoff so sweet.

Finding Your Zen

Don’t get me wrong, writing is soothing to me, but it can be kind of high pressure. Not entirely like an athlete, it’s a matter of ongoing practice and consistent performance if you want results. Sometimes, it’s what I do to unwind. Sometimes, though, I just need to put on Food Network and do something relatively mindless with my hands.

Lately, I’ve been getting back in touch with my artsy-craftsy side. My D&D DM arranged for a mini painting night at a brewery near where we play (Mully’s in Prince Frederick, MD, and if you haven’t gone, definitely check them out!) and, since I’d never done it before, I decided to haul ass down there on a weeknight (two and a half hours in traffic UGH) and try out what I knew might be a new hobby.

Well, I was right about the hobby bit. I really enjoyed hunching over and squinting a bunch and painting my first mini. I definitely made a lot of rookie mistakes with the way I approached the black sections, but one of the other players/painters, Brian, really gave me some great pointers.

I tried my second mini a few nights later at home and definitely improved by leaps and bounds! I only had a handful of paint colors, including a bright turquoise aqua, that I managed to muddle down to a deep green for the cloak. I found it so completely comforting and relaxing to do for about two hours that I feel like it’s a way I can use to deal with anxiety.

I find that the best things for my daily moderate anxiety (thanks to a traumatic event in July 2016) are those that keep my hands and mind busy, but aren’t too stressful. Sometimes video games are great for this, but sometimes the pressure to achieve something in combat can be a bit much and I need something more mellow.

I also am trying cross stitching for the first time (seriously, anyway, I’ve dabbled before) to make a present for a friend for the holidays. That, it turns out, is also very soothing. Cross stitching and a glass of wine while listening to D&D podcasts is really fantastic. I had a pretty high anxiety day yesterday and was finally able to calm down in the evening once I started to stitch. It’s no wonder art therapy is used so widely with patients with depression or PTSD.

 

Theories of Her

I’m so pleased to announce that I have a flash fiction piece, Womb, appearing in the Theories of Her anthology. The anthology is now available through Amazon.com and CreateSpace. Edited by Candace Habte, Theories of Her brings together over 50 artists and writers who have experiences to share when it comes to being a woman in the world.

Candace writes:

Theories of HER was created to disrupt.

Theories of HER was also created to celebrate all types of women and showcase diverse voices.

Because much like this book itself, women have layers.

Over 50 contributors from all across the world, and all walks of life, have come together as they share what it is to be her, know her, and to champion her. This collection attempts to connect the seemingly unconnected -through poetry, essays, fiction and art- with contributors ranging from award-winning veterans to emerging writers and artists.

While each piece stands alone, there’s also a merging tapestry that takes the reader through a lifetime, with topics ranging from gender and societal expectations, to love, loss, relationships and self-acceptance.

Of course I’m a little biased, being in it and all, but the project sounds very exciting and I’ll be picking up a book this week! I can’t wait to dig in and see what this diverse team of voices have to say. Check it out and, if you read it, let me know what you think.

What it Takes (What it REALLY Takes)

Talent is great. Talent is a gift. Talent is a blessing.

Talent only goes so far, however.

Talent has never written a book. It has never painted a masterpiece. It has never won a race. It has never started a business.

Talent is a helpful kick in the ass, sure, but it’s only a start. What makes things happen – really happen – is effort. It takes work to produce something that can be sold, admired, loved, and considered a success. Talent doesn’t create something – hard work does

I’ve written about my work motto before but I’m going to do it again because it’s still true:

Show up. Shut up. Put up.

I learned this tough but fair world view while working in restaurant kitchens. There’s no crying in baseball! You need to show up on time, every day; you need to cut the excuses from your vocabulary; and you need to produce good quality work every time.

I’m lucky enough to be friends with a lot of working artists: writers, painters, crafters, sculptors, etc. We all have something very important in common – a strong work ethic. You need one in a business where you are your own boss and the paycheck you earn depends solely on you busting your butt.

We’re all poor and talented and frustrated together but we can agree on one thing: you have to do the work.